What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 01:59
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
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I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
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And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I said to her
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BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Who then, do I blame.?
Why should you never do drugs? Will this story absolutely shock you?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Are Americans really as uneducated and ignorant as portrayed in the media?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
All the time i was locked up.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why do narcissists keep calling on the phone after years of separation?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It was going to be , some day.
What are mean nicknames to call my sister? She is always so mean to me.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What did i know ?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
What is the one thing you don't understand that others do?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Would this be the day?
I write beautiful poetry .
She wouldn,t have been !
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My life is so biszare .
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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why did i forgive my father ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One cannot live in the past .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I waited trembling.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
(And it was in our own minds.)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She married twice! .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Was to survive, this bastard.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I think the readers, may guess!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So whats the point in blame.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Comes on , in middle age.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was scared of men, in general
We all went to grammer schools
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He resisted the act ,that day.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I don,t even have a pension.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im still living with it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Ive learnt so much.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She found it foreign!.
I was very sick at this time too.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I will be 64.
Put me off passion for life!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I have no regrets .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We were not on the streets..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was seconnd youngest,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was 9 years of age.
She loved him until the end.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He knew the spot.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But, we were locked up after school.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And i lived it daily.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But it wasn’t much.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She was in good health!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
When she asked me how she looked .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .